by Bryan Scheidler
Heads Up
“What a fucking copout!”- Matt Stahl
For weeks, America has been paralyzed by a question of utmost relevancy and importance, “What happened to everyone’s favorite pizza delivery boy turned moral compass, Glenn?”. Well… we just found out. In what can only be described as the biggest let down of the last few years, Glenn survived the seemingly insurmountable onslaught of walkers that were, LITERALLY, right on top of him by shimmying under the dumpster he had just fell from. Look, we all knew Glenn was going to survive, but having him do so in such a dissatisfying way just leads viewers to finally reinstate their disbelief and shout, “BULLSHIT!!!!!” at the screen. The reason that this show has maintained such an avid viewership is because when people get put into situation where they should die, THEY DIE. This was just a huge copout, as so aptly stated by Mr. Stahl. This was a way to create talk while effectively not altering or affecting the central plot whatsoever. Oh, AND WHO THE HELL IS SKINNY ENOUGH TO FIT UNDER A FREAKING DUMPSTER?!?! The answer: No one. This dumpster is the most anomic dumpster that has ever existed. Its extra tall and obscenely long… The rest of Glenns portion of this episode, convincing Enid to go back and then seeing the big reveal that Alexandria was surrounded, was just exposition. Enid is a total throw away character. The fact that she has Pacey and Dawson still fighting over her is ridiculous.
“Wait… is this episode still on?”- Ronny Roa
After the initial lack of surprise wore off, we returned to Alexandria to find the town seemingly recovered from the Wolves attack. Well, most of the town anyways. Rick is on the warpath, and this seems to be his primary mode of operation lately. Rick is pissed off about everything. Even taking the time to do things that would normally be soft-Rick endearing moments, like making a relationship connection with a local or teaching a fatherless Pacey how to use a gun to survive, come off as causing him some sort of emotional pain. I know that the anxiety of everything is getting to them all, but this Rick is on the verge of punching a bitch for breathing too loud.Speaking of anxiety, we finally got a bit of another duo of fan favorites, Eugene and Rosita. Rosita was teaching a group of locals how to handle a blade and Eugene was in the class. Eugene is a great and unique character because he is willing to voice the fact that he is a coward but then is willing to act when the situation is dire, while most characters on this show are the reverse. Rosita is trying to tough love Eugene into being a hero, but this just isn’t going to happen. Eugene runs off, undoubtedly to watch people have sex, and Rosita returns to her class.
In yet another story line that no one cares about, we find out that Spencer is trying to crawl across a grappling hooked rope to a building outside Alexandria. Am I the only one chanting “FALL FALL FALL” in my head? I don’t necessarily hate Spencer, to be fair. In fact, I feel nothing towards him, that’s why I wanted him to die. This episode was so bland and plodding that a little carnage might have spiced things up. But alas, thanks to the help of Rick, Morgan, Nameless Alexandrian, and Tara, Spencer was pulled back in, safe and sounds, in a scene right out of the comics.
Meanwhile, back at the creek, Pacey finally got his wish to have Dawson’s Dad teach him how to not be a huge waste of air. He did this by showing him how to use a gun. Now Rick is willing to take time with Pacey and show him what he needs to do, but Dawson is just sitting back, throwing out subtle digs and acting like he’s better than Pacey. Dawson best watch his mouth or he’s liable to get himself shoooooo…… oh, wait, yep. Exactly. Pacey sneaks off to the armory and grabs some rounds to bury in Dawson’s obnoxious little head. Pacey then finds Dawson on the street and is readying himself to end EVERYONES suffering when…“zzzzzzzzzzz JENGA!”- Stephen Robert Rose
….the tower, that got hit by the truck back at the beginning of the year, finally topples and opens up a huge hole in the fence for the countless walkers to proceed in through and destroy Alexandria. This episode, along with all but 2 of the ones that preceded it this season, was a total snooze fest. Nothing much has happened, yet they have managed to fill half a season with 2 episodes worth of action.
“A lot of threads, no blanket.”-Stephen Robert Rose
As I have mentioned previously, I love this show. I love it like a guy loves a bad girlfriend. I know she’s playing around on me, lying to me, and running game behind my back but because we’ve been together so long, I’m not ready to pull the plug. I know she’s going to mistreat me, but I just cant break free. The show has spent the last three seasons starting and severing different plot lines without really creating the mythology they seem to be in search of. For instance, Glenn’s Death/Terminus/The Wolves. All three are set up to be these huge impactful plot points, yet they all get resolved and have basically no impact on the central story. I know people had gotten sick of the Governor by the time he died, but at least having a central villain allowed the group to grow and change. Lately, the group only changes in seemingly non-eventful boring ways. Its almost like Damon Lindelof has supplanted Robert Kirkman and is now driving the ship. (Sidenote: EFF YOU DAMON LINDELOF!)
My lone hope is that this bad girlfriend recognizes the error of her ways and decides to devote herself to me, unfailingly. They have the opportunity, with Negan coming up, to really make a multi-season arc that people will love. Hopefully, they do it right instead of cheating on me behind my back with my best friend...
In a somewhat unforeseen plot twist, I am actually interested in what your take is on this episode. As you can see from the quotes above, I have people who are actively sending me thoughts and opinions and I would love to have more. Take the time to leave a comment and make Bryans day.
I didn’t get a chance to make fun of Mike “The Food Nerd” Quezada this week, but I’m pretty sure you get that he is my nemesis at this point so just insert a snarky comment about him here….
Alright. Welp, See Ya
Article Credits
Author: Steve Tenney
Editor-in-Chief: Bryan Scheidler
Editor: Trisha Quezada
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